Posted by Ari Zells on Jan 11, 2013
Before we get into my situation, yes I am gay.
I recently got introduced to my boyfriend of 2 year’s (whose been living in Israel for the past 3 years for university) , parent’s while vacationing here in the states. I am an Israeli with tan skin and i’m obviously jewish. My boyfriend of 2 years finally introduced me to his parent’s which went horribly wrong (well at least with his mom). He did not tell me that his mother apparently dislikes jews (they are catholic) and she made it obvious through her very rude and uncomfortable remarks while having dinner. I tried my best to make conversation which she would immediately down play and after diner, while trying to lend a hand washing dishes she made a very "i wish you weren’t here" face and re-washed the dishes that I had finished washing which admittedly did hurt my feelings.
Afterwards we all sat down to drink some wine in the living room and talk and she said "I thought jews couldn’t get into relationships with non jews" which although isn’t that harsh , i implied to mean that she did not like me with her son. She also kept saying "just out of curiosity, if you’re jewish why are you so dark?" I felt very , very uncomfortable but kept faking a smile explaining to her that i’m not an Ashkenazi jew.
I’m very glad that soon me and him are leaving back to Israel and that his father was very nice and had incredible manners often winking at me to pay no attention to his "crazy wife". The thing is me and my boyfriend have been seriously talking about getting engaged , marrying in canada and moving to Israel permanently. I would more than love it if his mother would accept me but at this rate i feel it is a definite no. I know this man is the man I want to possibly spend my life with , i love him so much, but the idea of his mother putting him in a horrible position really bothers me, and also knowing i’ll have to deal with racism for the rest of my life.
Has anyone experienced similar circumstances? How did you deal with it? Did it ultimately end?
If a girl brings a boy home to meet her parents, do you imagine that her parents always like the boy, and immediately welcome him into the family? I can assure you that they don’t. Many people feel that no one is good enough for their child, or that they new guy has to prove himself to the family before being accepted.
These people don’t know you and they’re not going to roll out the red carpet until they do. So hang in, and put up with the abuse until they see that you’re a good guy, and not out to victimize their son. And don’t start calling them racists.
When I was introduced to my wife’s family, the first thing all the men did was to force me into a cut-throat Poker game. I suppose they thought that would show them what I’m made of. I can’t tell you all the crap I’ve had to endure, but I was willing to endure it for my wife’s sake.